


Twisted Tongues

by necromancyho



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Binge Drinking, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Monologue, POV Alternating, Post-Canon, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 13:06:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20657735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/necromancyho/pseuds/necromancyho
Summary: After living together in the the Xhorhouse for several years, Beau and Jester sort out their feelings for each other in the worst ways possible. Internal conflict ensues with a little help from a few of the Nien.





	1. Chapter 1: Beau

**Author's Note:**

> Mention of self-inflicted pain/wounds in this chapter so read safe

After several months of living at the Xhorhouse, Beau and Caleb have fallen into the routine of reading together in the library most nights. Despite enjoying the quiet and the company, Beau breaks the silence. 

“It sure was nice to have Cali visit last week,” Beau says. 

A few seconds later Caleb glances up and says, “Ja, it sure was. I think everyone enjoyed seeing her very much.” He pauses and adds quietly “especially Jester.”

Beau glances up and sees that a blush has spread across Caleb’s face. “What do you mean?” she asks cautiously. 

“Oh... I walked in on them the last night she was in town,” Caleb replies, his blush deepening. 

Beau raises her eyebrow. She’s sure he does not understand the insinuation he seems to be making. “Doing what? Braiding each other’s hair and eating donuts?”

“Well, they were definitely-“ Caleb pauses as he meets Beau’s eyes from across the table. “Oh dear… I ... I should not have said anything... I just assumed you knew.” He lowers his head into his book. “Oh please do not say anything,” his eyes meeting hers again, full of regret and sorrow. 

Beau does her best to get her facial expression of shock under control. “Of course. I won’t say anything.” As silence falls between them again she attempts to resume her reading, but her thoughts are racing. Anger begins to well up inside her. 

“I’m going to go work out,” she states abruptly as she slams the book closed and walks out of the library. 

Beau walks quickly to their makeshift gym and begins to beat at the punching bag. Her punches are fast and hard, purely anger and force with none of her usual finesse. As her mind wanders she pictures the image of Jester in Cali kissing in HER room and punches harder. 

_I just don’t get why she didn’t tell me. She knows I would know exactly how she feels. And she always tells me about her male crush of the week._

_She knows I’m gay for sure. She knows I have all kinds of experience with women and could definitely have -_ Her mind flickers to images of all the things she's imagined doing to Jester throughout the years._ And she knows I find her hot, right. I mean we do all kinds of things that would be considered flirting, and I compliment her all the time._

Beau’s mind flashes to all of the times they read Jester’s smut books together. She replays their nightly routine where she gives Jester an exaggerated eyebrow raise as the tiefling gets undressed for bed, making Jester giggle every time. 

Beau shakes her head and resumes her exercise, switching to kicking to give her knuckles a rest. 

_I mean I’m just mad because she’s hiding it from me. Why wouldn’t she tell me that she likes girls- I mean Cali. Why wouldn’t she tell me that she’s in a relationship?_

Beau continues to beat at the bag until her knuckles are ripped open to the point of excruciating pain. The physical exertion and the blood does seem to have calmed her racing thoughts and anger. She collapses on the floor in exhaustion and gives herself a chance to breathe. 

_I guess I just have to accept that Jester will never feel the same as I do. And not because she’s straight, because she’s not interested._

Beau does not return to their shared room that night, but by the following morning she is ready to face her best friend and roommate as if nothing had changed, even if it might be a little more painful now.


	2. Chapter 2: Beau

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Binge drinking in this chapter and chapter 4

For the next few months following Cali’s visit, Beau keeps Caleb’s secret and her relationship with Jester remains unchanged. The monk has tried to cut down on the flirting, since it doesn’t quite feel the same anymore, but as bittersweet as it is, she can’t quite bring herself to stop. She finds herself second guessing the situation each time Jester reacts, but reminds herself that it’s just a foolish hope. 

During a night out in Rosanna with the Nein, Beau decides it’s been far too long since she got laid. Not to mention that the super hot drow at the next table over has been giving her eyes all night. She’s had enough drinks to make her brave and stupid but not enough to make her clumsy. She spends the next hour or so with the drow and her friends, chatting and flirting. The Nien don’t seem to mind her absence and look like their having a very fun night themselves. At some point later, Caleb catches her eye and shoots Beau of look of desperation from the Nien’s table. Beau excuses herself reluctantly and returns to check on them. 

She immediately released she was not as perceptive as she thought. Only Caleb, Nott, and Jester are left at the table and Jester is VERY drunk. She’s slumped over on the table, barely conscious and singing softly to herself. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Beau, but Fjord already left and I don’t think Nott and I can get her home like this. She can barely walk.” Both Nott and Caleb have a very worried look on their faces. “I’m not sure how we let her get this bad. She just kept drinking and now...” Caleb trails off. 

Beau sits down next to Jester, rubs her hand along her back, and softly says in her ear, “Hey Jessie, do you want to go home?”

Jester stops singing and raises her head, eyes flickering open. “Oh Beau, you’re back!” She pauses as she reorients herself, swaying slightly in her seat. “Are you gonna take me home? I thought you were going to take that pretty girl home,” she slurs with a giggle. 

“Cmon Jester,” Beau says as she helps her up on to her feet and out of the inn.

The four of them walk home very slowly. After a few blocks, it becomes very clear that they’ll never get home trying to help Jester walk by herself. Beau picks her up and carries her the rest of the way. Jester murmurs some incoherent speech and then falls asleep. 

Beau finally breaks the silence and looks to Caleb and Nott, anger rising in her voice, “What the hell happened tonight anyways?”

“I’m not sure. She was fine and then she just started drinking more and more. Even after we cut her off she kept drinking out of other people’s drinks,” Caleb replies. 

“Well she doesn’t exactly have the same tolerance built up as us. She seemed awfully fixated on you and that girl, Beau,” Nott spits with an aggravated tone. “Maybe if you were paying any attention-“

“Nott,” Caleb interrupts with a firm look. 

Beau narrows her eyes at the two of them. “What exactly is going on here?”

“It is really not our place to say. Maybe you should speak to Jester about the motivation for this poor decision tomorrow,” Caleb replies as they reach the Xhorhouse. 

Beau helps Jester get into her pajamas and sets up her nightstand with water for the morning and a trash bin. Jester doesn’t really wake up enough to say much, but Beau can tell she’s responsive and will be fine to sleep it off. She ends up sliding into Jester’s bed with her so she can keep her on her side all night, just in case. She gets so fixated on helping Jester that she almost forgets what Nott said. Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me refusing to accept that Beau has 10 strength. She's buff and you can't change my mind


	3. Chapter 1: Jester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied/mentioned sexual content

“Jesterrrr, c’mon! I know there’s something you’re not telling me,” Cali purrs. The two women are laid out on the floor of Jester and Beau’s room with paper, paints, and pastries. Jester had really enjoyed spending time with her friend after so long apart, and she was very glad that Beau had offered to sleep somewhere else so her and Cali could have some time alone together. 

“Fine, Cali, I’ll tell you. I think I like someone, like, _like_ like.” As Jester watches Cali’s face light up, she adds, “Well it's not really that exciting, it's just complicated.”

Cali hesitates as she takes in Jester’s longing look. “I’m sure it’s not that complicated! We can figure it out. Tell me what’s going on.” 

“Well…” Jester starts. “The person I like is a girl.” She pauses and waits for a reaction, but Cali seems unphased. “And I didn’t know I liked girls,” she huffs and glances towards Beau’s empty bed. “But maybe I don’t like girls. Maybe I just like this one girl. Or maybe I just think I like her but I’ll realize I don’t because she’s a girl but it will be too late because I-”

“Jester!” Cali cuts off. She too glances at Beau’s side of the room and sighs. “You’re right this _is_ complicated, and I know it’s important to you.”

The two of them sit in silence for a few moments before Cali adds, “You know, maybe this isn’t about Beau. Maybe this is about you and figuring out what you like. And then, if you figure out you like girls, you’re feelings will be another issue. And if you don’t like girls then maybe nobody’s feelings get hurt.”

After a few more moments Jester replies, “Yeah, I think you’re right. Maybe I just need to do some exploring of my own. If only I knew how.”

Cali sits up, “Well that’s easy. I’ve been with girls before. I can help.”

“Well I can’t just have sex with you, Cali,” says Jester. 

“Don’t think of it like sex, it’ll be an informational meeting. Or a lesson or something like that. We don’t have to do anything your not comfortable with, I can just show you or tell you what sex with women is like. And I can tell you what to do. That way you’ll know what you’re doing a little bit when the time comes.” 

“Well okay, if you’re sure it’s not weird,” Jester says. 

Sometime later, after she might have gotten a little bit carried away, the door opens. “Jester, Cali, Caduceus is making-“ 

“Caleb wait! Don’t come in here!” Shouts Jester too late. As she looks up from between Cali’s legs, she makes eye contact with Caleb. His face goes bright red and he turns around and closes the door without saying anything. She rolls over away from Cali. “Shit.”

“At least that’s one less person you’ll have to come out to,” remarks Cali with a giggle as she pulls her dress back on.


	4. Chapter 2: Jester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Binge drinking/using alcohol as a coping mechanism in this chapter

After her sleepover with Cali, Jester was sure she liked girls. _I mean maybe I like boys too. I did like Fjord, but I’ve never had sex with any boys. But I definitely like Beau._ She was starting to get a lot more comfortable with the idea of dating girls, but despite her journey of self discovery, she still had not made a move on Beau. Every time the human flirted with her, or she saw a good moment, she started to second guess herself. _I don’t even know if Beau likes me. I mean yeah she flirts with me but she flirts with everyone. Plus I’m sure she doesn’t think I would reciprocate and what if she freaks out when I do. _

Several months passed, and every day she was failing harder for Beau and getting up more courage to say something. She was taking it slow and enjoying the flirting and longing._ After all what’s the rush. _

Jester realized how naive she’d been in assuming that she could take as much time as she wanted when Beau started staring at a really pretty drow in the bar one night. It made sense. _She doesn’t even know how I feel, and she probably doesn’t even feel the same, so why wouldn’t she want to hit on other people._ But still Jester could not stop the sadness and insecurity from consuming her while watching Beau draped over the girl. 

“I think I’ll have a drink,” she declared to the rest of the Nein, trying to peel her eyes away. 

“Really, Jes?! Great,” Nott says, as she pushes a mug over to her. “Just take it slow.”

Jester did not take it slow. She wanted to forget about Beau and try to have fun despite her icky feeling. She had a drink with Fjord, and she kept pace with Nott for 3 drinks before the world started to spin. 

“Notttt, I thought drinking was supposed to make you feel better! I just feel dizzy and sleepy and more upset,” she slurred. 

“Of course it helps, don’t you feel more relaxed?” asks Nott. 

“No!” Jester yells far too loud, wiggling in her chair. 

“I think that’s enough for you,” Caleb murmurs and slides her drink away.

“How can I be relaxed when Beau is over there with some random pretty girl! I’m sure that drow is all like ‘Oh Beau, you’re so strong and handsome. Come home with me,’” she says with a fake high pitched voice. She grabs her drink from Caleb’s grasp and finishes it. 

Jester doesn’t remember much more than that besides flashes of Beau carrying her home, which she’s pretty sure is just a dream. By the time they get home she’s come to enough to notice Beau getting into bed with her and stroking her hair until she falls back asleep.


	5. Chapter 5: Epilogue

Jester comes to in the morning with a pounding headache, a terrible stomach ache, and an extremely dry throat. She opens her eyes to see a glass of water on the table which she happily finishes. She looks around and realizes that Beau is nowhere to be seen. She silently thanks the Traveler that she is alone as the brief bits of memory from the night before flood her brain. _ Ugh that was so embarrassing! I can’t believe I drank that much and was so stupid! _She thinks as she heads for the washroom. 

When she returns, Beau is sitting on her own bed with a plate of food. 

“Hey Jessie, how ya feeling?” the monk asks. 

“Ugh, I feel like shit. I’m never drinking again.”

Beau gives a chuckle and lifts up the plate of food. “Everyone’s got to have one really bad experience. Here, you should eat this. I know you don’t want to right now but it will help a lot. Promise.” 

Jester can’t help but notice how tired the human looks as she takes the plate. She seems reserved and timid, with none of here usual confidence. “Are you okay Beau? It seemed like you had a good night.”

“Yeah, I was just worried about you.” She pauses and looks up to meet eyes with Jester hesitantly. “Nott said it might have been my fault you drank so much.”

Jester freezes, remembering the drow with Beau and her drunken rant to Nott. “I guess must have been bummed that you didn’t hang out with us, but I was just drinking to have fun,” she says, almost making it through the whole statement before her voice cracks and her eyes begin to well up with tears. 

“Hey Jessie, don’t cry,” Beau says as she moves over to sit with Jester in her bed. She moves the plate of food to the nightstand and begins to rub her back. “Look whatever I did I’m sorry, and if it was something else I’m still sorry. We don’t have to talk about this now I just-“

“No Beau, it’s fine. I should tell you,” Jester interrupts. They are both quiet while Jester composes herself and then says, “I like you Beau, like I have a huge crush on you. And I didn’t think I was ready to tell you yet, but I just got so upset seeing you with that other girl and I know that’s not really fair but- “

“Jessie,” Beau says quietly as she moves the tiefling to face her. “How long have you felt this way?” 

“I don’t know, like a year. I didn’t say anything for a long time because I was so confused about having feelings for a girl, and then after I figured out that I’m bisexual and that it’s okay I was just too scared to tell you.” Jester mutters, not able to look up to meet Beau’s eyes. 

Beau reaches out and grabs Jesters chin and lifts it up, “Look at me. I feel the same okay. I just didn’t say anything because I thought you were straight, and then after I heard about you and Cali, I was just really upset and thought that you just didn’t like me because I’m me.”

“Oh god Caleb told you about Cali! I swear I don’t have feelings for her, she was just trying to help me figure stuff out.” 

“I guess I was just upset you didn’t come to me, but I get it now,” Beau says. She can hear Jester sigh in relief and it looks like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

Beau pauses and gives her a smirk, her hand still holding jester’s chin. “Hey Jessie?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! (:

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to criticalcaleb for beta reading and encouraging me!!
> 
> This is my first fic and I'm not writer, but hopefully someone will enjoy it. Fun fact this fic is based on things that happened to me in real life.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr if you want necromancyho


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